The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
Today we will talk about a very interesting book named “The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck”.
Till now I have read many books but somewhere I have understood that this book shakes our traditional and routine thinking. I myself was very surprised to know many aspects of this book, which is absolutely true.
Table of Contents
Don't try
Happiness is a hassle
You are not special
The cost of suffering
You always choose
You're wrong about everything (me too)
Failure is the way forward
Importance of saying no
And then you die
Free Download: The Art of Subtitles Not Giving Fuck
Don't Try
In this chapter, Marc talks about 'not trying'. Marc believes that improvement and success often go together but that doesn't mean they are the same (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
According to Marc, our culture focuses a lot on positive expectations that are far from reality – like be happy, be healthy. Uttam Bano. Be faster, smarter, richer, more productive. But when we think about it soberly, all the positive things are really just an emphasis on the things we don't have. For example: We learn about ways to make money because we think we don't already have enough money. We repeat affirmations that we are beautiful because we feel as if we are not already (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
We seek dating and relationship advice because we feel that someone doesn't love us. We try to think of being more successful because we feel like we are not successful already (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Marc says that a confident person never needs to do all this that he is confident. A rich person does not need to convince anyone that he is rich. Either you are or you are not. But if we are dreaming of something all the time, we are forcing another fact over and over again that we don't have it (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Worrying about too many things or making a difference to everything is dangerous for our mental health. A good life is not to worry about more things, but to worry about less things, only the things that are right and for us should matter (The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck).
Feedback loop from hell: – Marc says that when we always worry about doing the right thing, we end up worrying about why we worry so much. And when we start blaming ourselves for every mistake, then we start realizing why we are feeling so guilty. When we are alone and sad, we make ourselves even more sad and negative by thinking these thoughts. Marc has named this the theory of the feedback loop from hell.
The theory of the feedback loop from hell has become a huge disease that is troubling us more than it needs to be. And the thing that's getting us into trouble is, we feel bad about feeling bad, we feel more guilty about feeling guilty. That's why it doesn't matter what - it's what's most important.
In this chapter, Marc talks about a theory put forward by Alan Watts known as the backward law – the theory says that the desire for more positive experiences is a negative experience in itself and the negative experience is accepted. Taking is a positive experience (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
The more we try to feel positive all the time, the less satisfied we will be because chasing something only tells us that we don't have it. For example – the more we want to be rich, the poorer we feel, no matter how much money we actually earn. Albert Camus, who is a philosopher, says that – If you always keep looking for what happiness comes from, then you can never be happy. If you keep searching for the meaning of life, then when will you live (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Marc says that it doesn't matter, it works in the opposite way, that's why it is called backward law. It says that chasing the positive is negative and only accepting the negative can give positivity. For example: Failure at work teaches what it takes to be successful (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Avoiding suffering is a suffering in itself. Running away from struggling is a struggle in itself. Not celebrating your failure is a failure (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Marc explains that not worrying about anything is an art in itself. He says that we want to give priority to our thinking in our life. We have to choose very carefully those things which are important to us (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
- #1 - Not being annoying doesn't mean being different, it means being comfortable being different. Marc says that it is not that we do not have to worry about anything in life, we should be worried for those who value a lot in life, like our friends, our family and our goal (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
- #2 - Don't get upset when in trouble. When people do not have any problem, then they create some new problem by thinking. We have to think in bad times more than trouble for those things which are more important in life (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
- #3 - Whether we realize it or not, we are all the time choosing the things to worry about or not to worry about. When we are children everything seems important to us but as we grow older, we start understanding about those things which are important and this is called being mature (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Marc says that this book helps us in a very easy way to think about what we are choosing in life. What is necessary for us and what is not necessary at all.
Happiness is a hassle
In this chapter, Marc tells the story of the Buddha, how he found enlightenment, and that not getting satisfaction is part of our body and helps us find continued happiness (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F). *ck).
Sorrow is very useful for our body and it is through this that we have got the inspiration to change the nature. We are not happy with the things that we have but are sad about the things that we do not have.
There are two types of pain – one is physical pain and the other is psychological pain. They say physical pain is necessary because it tells us what is good for us and what is bad and physical pain teaches us to stay within our limits.
Psychological pain is not always bad for us, rather it is necessary and healthy for us. When we get rejection and failure, we get emotional pain which teaches us not to repeat the same mistakes in future. Problems never go away, rather they just keep getting better with time. Never expect a life that has no problems, rather we should expect a life that has better problems (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
We are happy to solve the problem. When we run away from solving our problems and think that there is no problem then we are actually making the biggest mistake of our life. To be happy, it is necessary to have something that can be solved.
Happiness is a continuous action taken for our progress. Marc says that solving problems is a simple task but life is not simple at all for people. This happens because of two reasons.
The first reason is that people do not believe that there are problems in their life. He always runs away from problems. They do not accept the truth and by doing so they get happiness. But that happiness is short lived (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Second – they always remain victims who are always in sorrow. They blame other people and situations and this leads to a life heavy with anger and negativity.
The most basic component of life is that our struggles determine our success. Our problems only give us happiness as well as better problems.
You are not Special
In this chapter, Marc talks about self-esteem, explaining that nothing happens just by thinking good about yourself. Unless we have a very good reason to feel good about ourselves (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
When we measure self-esteem, it is measured how positively people feel about themselves. But it is more important to understand how you feel about the negative aspects of life (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
People who value their life a lot, they see the negative part of their character and then improve it. Such as being irresponsible with money, or exaggerating your success, and being too dependent on others for support. But those people who don't understand their problems, they can't even make their life meaningful (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
According to Marc, there is no such thing as a personal problem. If we have any problem, chances are that the same problem must have happened to lakhs of people in the past. Many people still have it or many people will have the same problem in future. It just means that we are not special (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
To become the best in anything, we have to give a lot of our time and energy to that thing. Because we have limited time and energy, so we cannot do the best in everything.
According to a famous quote, we are all destined to do something great, but if we all become extraordinary, the definition of extraordinary will change as well (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
The Cost of Suffering
Marc says that sadness is necessary and it is difficult to avoid it. We should not ask that how can I avoid this sorrow, rather we should ask why I am suffering and what is the reason for my sorrow.
To understand the cause of unhappiness it is very important to know oneself. Marc says that knowing yourself is like an onion with many layers (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
The first layer of this onion is to understand our own emotions such as what makes me happy, what makes me sad and what gives me hope (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Another layer of knowing myself is why I feel these emotions. This layer helps to understand the root of the emotions that surround us from inside. Once we get hold of the root cause of emotions, we can change them (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
The third layer of knowing ourselves is our personal values. Like why do we consider some things as success or failure. How do we measure ourselves? On what basis do we judge ourselves and the people around us? This layer is important because our values tell about our problems and our problems tell about the quality of our life (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
You always Choose
Any problem will be painful or powerful for us, it depends on the sense in which we choose it and take responsibility for it.
When we feel that we choose our problems, we feel powerful, but when we feel that problems are imposed on us without our consent, we feel very sad (The Subtle Art of Not Giving). a F*ck).
Marc says that the more responsibility we take in our life, the more power we get. Accepting problems is the first step to solve problems (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
In our culture, responsibility and fault often go together. That's why many people shy away from taking responsibility for their problems because taking responsibility means admitting their own fault (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
No one is responsible for our situations but we are ourselves. Lots of people may blame themselves for unhappiness but no one is responsible for our unhappiness (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Because it is always our choice that how we see things, how we react to them. We all love to take responsibility for our success and happiness, but the real improvement in our lives is when we take responsibility for our problems (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
You're wrong about Everything (me too)
Marc explains in this chapter that we are wrong about almost everything in our lives. We talk about ourselves and others, about society and culture, about the world and the universe…. Infact they are wrong about everything. People forget to live life in the process of proving themselves right in every situation.
People say that they are scared of failing, of rejections or of someone saying 'no'. But it is not so. Rejection and failure is a bad feeling but there is something we do not want to leave (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Uncertainty also protects us from judging ourselves. We don't know if people like us or not, we don't know how attractive we are, we don't know how successful we can be. Not knowing all these things and knowing through your experience is only one step to achieve everything (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Failure is the Way Forward
Improvement in anything depends on very small failures. Our success is proof of how many times we have failed. If someone is more successful than us, it means that he has failed in that thing more than us. If someone is worse than us, it means that he has not yet experienced all that we have (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
When a small child is learning to walk, he may fall and hurt himself many times, but at no time does he think that walking is not for me or that I am not good at it (The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck).
At some point, many of us reach a point where we are afraid to fail. We can only succeed in those things in which we are ready to fail. If we are not ready to fail, it means we are not ready to succeed (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Many people, when they feel any kind of anger or sorrow, they leave everything they feel and start strengthening it further. Their only goal is to reach the feeling good state as soon as possible, even if there are very bad values in that state (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
If you are stuck on a problem, don't just sit and think about it. Start working on it. Even if you don't know what you are doing, by doing something or the other, you will reach the right answer and solution (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Don't keep sitting do something. You will get the answers automatically. Taking action is always in our control. We can become our own inspiration. If we make only taking steps the metrics of success, then failure takes us forward in life (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Importance of saying "No"
There is only one way to find meaning and significance in life – to reject more options, reduce freedom, and commit to one faith, one place, and one person (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck) ).
Rejections make our life better. People avoid rejection, but avoiding rejection does not bring long term happiness (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
No one can solve our problems for us and they shouldn't even try. Their doing so will not make them happy (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
People blame others for their actions and emotions because by doing this they feel that they can make themselves suffer, and by doing this continuously they feel that someone will come who will save them and they will get that love. The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck.
Some people who take the blame for others' actions and emotions think that if they fix their partner's problems, they will get the love and appreciation they've always wanted (The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F). *ck).
The hardest thing in the world for people is to take responsibility for their own problems. They have spent their whole life thinking that other people are responsible for their fate. Taking responsibility for themselves is a difficult task for them (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
For some people, the hardest thing in the world is to stop taking responsibility for other people's problems. He has spent his whole life thinking that he will get love and appreciation only when he saves others. It is very difficult for them to let go of something.
There is a difference between considering someone as a compulsion to do something or doing something out of one's own free will. Ask yourself these questions – Will the relationship change if I refuse to do this thing? If my partner refuses to do this, will there be any change in the relationship?
If the answer is that refusing can lead to huge drama, then it is a sign of a bad relationship. It means that the relationship is on conditional basis which means that there is a relationship on the condition of getting some benefits from each other and not on the basis of unconditional acceptance of each other.
People who have strong relationship boundaries understand that it is not right to change each other 100 percent, and to meet all of each other's needs.
Trust cannot be built without struggle. Conflict teaches us who is with us unconditionally and who is only for benefits. For a healthy relationship, people should be ready, neither to listen nor to say.
Commitment gives us freedom because it directs our attention and focus to those things that give us health and happiness. Commitment teaches us to focus on our goals, in which we can achieve even the biggest success.
And then you die
We are afraid of dying and so we avoid thinking about it, avoid speaking about it, even when it is happening to someone around us, we forget it after a few days. ,
We know that our physical body will die one day and death cannot be avoided and this is our biggest fear. To avoid this fear, we create a situation that will always be there. That's why people keep trying to get their name written on walls, on statues and on books. Because for us life means never to die (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
In Greek and Roman history, people were told to always keep death in mind in order to appreciate life more. In many forms of Buddhism, meditation teaches us how to prepare ourselves for death while still being alive (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
Marc says that we all should come to accept death and make the thinking of our own death very light. This can be done when we acknowledge our own problems, face our fears, accept our failures and embrace rejections (The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck).
So this was the book which I have tried to implement completely in my life and till now I am very very happy with the result.
