🔷 What is Pacing?
Pacing is the technique of acknowledging the current reality or activity of the person you’re approaching before introducing yourself or your intent.
✅ It reduces resistance
✅ It creates emotional safety
✅ It shows empathy
✅ It makes your interruption feel natural and respectful
🧠 Why Pacing Works
-
It aligns your approach with what’s actually happening.
-
It gives her mind a moment to process your presence.
-
It reduces the jarring effect of a cold, context-less compliment.
-
It builds subconscious rapport because you’re mirroring her reality.
🧩 Structure of a Pacing Opener
You can use this 3-step formula for nearly any walk-up situation:
-
Pace the Reality
→ Acknowledge what she's doing / her environment / your interruption
Example:-
“I know you’re reading a book and I’m interrupting you...”
-
“I see you’re walking with your friend and you probably weren’t expecting this…”
-
-
Give a Compliment or Observation
→ Be genuine, relaxed, and non-needy
Example:-
“...but you have a very warm, inviting energy.”
-
“...you struck me as someone who enjoys fun, interesting conversations.”
-
-
Introduce Yourself or Extend an Invite
→ End with a casual self-introduction or an invitation to connect
Example:-
“...my name’s Jack.”
-
“...mind if I join you for a quick coffee sometime?”
-
🧪 Situational Examples
| Situation | Pacing Example |
|---|---|
| Walking Alone | “Excuse me, I know you’re walking and I probably caught you off guard...” |
| With a Friend | “I know you're walking with your friend and this might be unexpected...” |
| At a Bar (Alone) | “I noticed you sitting here and figured I’d say hi before the moment passed…” |
| At a Bar (With Friends) | “You’re out with your friends and probably not expecting a stranger to drop in, but…” |
| Bookstore | “I know you’re reading and I hate to interrupt…” or “So what are you looking for?” |
| Grocery Store | “Excuse me… I noticed your ankle tattoo. That must’ve taken some guts to get it there.” |
💡 Bonus Tips
-
Be honest with your pacing – don’t fake context.
-
Use light language: “Forgive my interruption,” “Probably not expecting this…”
-
Ask open-ended follow-ups after the initial opener.
-
If she’s not receptive, don’t take it personally – she’s just not in the right space. You did your part.
🧭 Mindset: Embrace “Rookie Mistakes”
Mistakes are proof of progress. Every attempt improves your calibration. Keep trying, keep refining.
🧠 Remember:
“She can’t resist or fight the things you say if they’re simply true.” — Derek Vitalio
Would you like this turned into a visual infographic or slide format?